


Unravel

by lookninjas



Series: Children's Work [20]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-08 09:44:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13455627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookninjas/pseuds/lookninjas
Summary: Leia is gone.  Leia has been gone for eighteen days.  Leia has been gone and she is gone and she will stay gone and she isn't coming back and it isn't fair.





	Unravel

**Author's Note:**

> This was not really written for a prompt. This was written because I felt weird about doing the marriage fic without really acknowledging the effect of Leia's death, and also probably because I'm an awful person who likes pain. Sorry.

It hits during their last fitting. Han is fussing over Ben, tugging at his lapels, straightening his tie, and it isn’t that Poe turns to look at Leia, because he doesn’t. He knows she’s gone. She’s been gone for eighteen days. She’s been gone, and she is gone, and she’ll stay gone, and she isn’t coming back and it just _hits_ , and like that, he feels himself crumbling. His hands shake. It’s hard to breathe. Leia is gone, Leia is gone, Leia is –

“Poe?” Ben asks, and then he says, “Shit,” and “Poe,” and he’s there, pulling Poe in close and Poe is still shaking and his breath is hitching in his chest, stuttering, and there’s – yeah, there’s the tears, there’s the crying, just barely – he’s pulled so tight he can barely –

“Yeah, if we could just have a moment,” Ben says, tight, and Poe buries his face in Ben’s chest, the crisp white shirt and the lapels Han was fidgeting with and Leia will never see this, Leia won’t know what Han’s rough hands looked like against those black lapels or how Ben dropped his head to watch, hair hanging down, Leia is gone and she should be here, she should get to see this, she should –

Ben shuffles him across the floor, murmuring soft in his ear. "It’s okay, I’ve got you, I’m here, just – little to the left, okay, yeah, couple more steps, I’ve got you, I’ve got you – we’re just gonna – That’s the bench, okay, we’re gonna sit down now, I’ve got you, I’m not letting go, just –“

Ben’s grip loosens a little and Ben’s solid wall of a body bends away, shifts, and there’s a terrible moment of vertigo before Ben pulls him back in again, on Ben’s lap and it’s okay, it’s fine – it’s the last fitting and he is crying so hard he’s not actually sure he’s crying, curled up on Ben’s lap with his face tucked to Ben’s chest and probably ruining his suit and Leia isn’t there and it isn’t fine, it’s not –

"I’ve got you,” Ben says, one palm warm against Poe’s back, fingers of the other hand combing restlessly through Poe’s hair. "I’ve got you. I’m not letting go. I’m not going anywhere. You’ve got me. You’ve got me. Always, always, always…“

Eighteen days ago, they were in bed, in the dark and the quiet, and Ben was curled up as small as he got, and Poe was stroking Ben’s hair, and saying basically the same. _I love you. I’m here. I’m right here._

It must be effective, because he finally loosens enough for the sobs to start shaking out of him, one by one by one, and he lets them all go until finally there isn’t anything left.

"I think I ruined your suit,” he manages, finally, in the aftermath. He doesn’t move his face from where it’s pressed into the damp fabric over Ben’s heart, and Ben doesn’t seem to care about Poe’s tears soaking his skin.

“It’ll wash,” Ben says, shaky, and when Poe manages to pull back enough to blink his swollen eyes open, he sees Ben’s eyes red-rimmed, shining back at him. 

“Are you –” he asks, reaching out, and Ben just shrugs, grabs his hand, presses a kiss to the knuckles.

“She should be here,” he says, because of course Ben knew. Of course Ben is thinking it. They all are, probably. "I wish she was.“

Poe cups Ben’s cheek in his hand, strokes his thumb along the cheekbone. Feels, not for the first time, more than a little selfish. She was Ben’s mother. Poe loved her, he loved her so damn much, but –

"Don’t,” Ben says, eyes soft and sad. "Don’t. She was yours as much as she was mine.“ He goes back to combing through Poe’s hair, studying Poe’s face. "I wasn’t sure –” he says, finally. "I didn’t want to push. If you weren’t ready. Was that – Should I have –“

"Probably better you didn’t,” Poe says, finally. It helped, taking care of Ben. It might not’ve been the healthiest thing he’s ever done, but. It helped. "Anyway. It. It’s out, now. Some of it. I’m sure there’s still –“

"Yeah,” Ben says, and almost smiles. "Yeah, me too.“

Poe threads his fingers through Ben’s hair, pulls him down so they’re forehead to forehead, nose to nose. "I’ll be here,” he promises.

Ben takes a deep, shaky breath. "I know,“ he says. 

In six more days, they’ll be married. It doesn’t change anything, not really. He is with Ben and Ben is with him and a ceremony doesn’t really change that, doesn’t change who they are to each other. 

Still. It helps.

"I’m here,” Ben says, again, and Poe closes his eyes and wraps his arms around Ben’s neck, and holds on.

“I know,” he says, soft. "I know.“


End file.
